so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
