I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
