You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
