It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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