I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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