I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
