She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
