my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
