Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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