Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
