you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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