I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
