If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
