I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
