i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
