Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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