Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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