Nicole vs. Life
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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