I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
