Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
