He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize