cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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