you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
