I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
