Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You smell like stripper and shame
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize