i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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