I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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