dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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