Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
