I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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