That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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