i don't like sucking hair
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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