Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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