come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
