I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
