I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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