My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
