That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
