i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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