I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
