I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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