i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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