No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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