did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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