Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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