I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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