my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
