this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
