dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
