Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
