Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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