I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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