wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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