Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
