saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize