alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
