I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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