We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
