I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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