There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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