i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
