my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
