I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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