I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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