"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
